Fashion Recap: 83rd Academy Awards

The Oscars was so hard to watch this year. Besides the fact that you saw the deer that was Anne Hathaway and the headlights that happened to be the audience when she walked out or the “Who the fuck cares?” sexy thing James Franco had going on. But there were so many good dresses! Someone on some television show that I was barely paying attention to said something very poignant about dressing up for the Oscars. It’s the one night that everyone will remember what you wore, and I guess sometime in the past people got sick of being critiqued. If they don’t hire a stylist any other night you can be damn sure that everyone who walked the red carpet was looked over by a stylist or a publicist before they got out of the car. That being said there were still a few bright stars and dull bulbs. The trends of the night were definitely the colors purple and red on the fuchsia carpet (As Justin Timberlake pointed out). Here were the outfits that stuck out in my head from last night’s 83rd Academy Awards.

Best of the Night

1. Hailee Steinfeld
As soon as I saw her on the red carpet cameras I said, “Aww!” She looked absolutely perfect. Miley Cyrus take a hint; this is what you should have worn four years ago! The Marchesa gown that Steinfeld chose to wear wasn’t too grown up neither was it too childish. Which is hard to conquer when you’re in your mid-teens for many, as it was for yours truly. Not only did she pick the dress; she designed it for herself. I smell a designer! Can she be even more talented? Probably. I personally think that Steinfeld should’ve walked away with the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in True Grit; the whole taking an advertisement out in several Hollywood magazines was just a tacky move from the Melissa Leo team. The fact that Leo dropped the f-bomb in a kind of planned out way in her acceptance speech just proves that the Academy can make mistakes. But nonetheless, Steinfeld is a front-runner in my book.

2. The Amazing Changing Woman: Anne Hathaway
It’s not that Hathaway did a bad job hosting the Oscars, but things such as these should be left to the professionals; i.e. the comedians. Actors just don’t have the same touch. Even though I think she should never host the Academy Awards again I definitely think that Rachel Zoe worked her anorexic pregnant ass off dressing her masterpiece that is Anne Hathaway’s look. My one flaw; the first outfit that Hathaway wore. It was a siren red vintage Valentino Couture dress that Hathaway wore with red lipstick. That type of red on pale skin such as her’s just doesn’t work. But as soon as Hathaway stepped on the Oscar stage it was another story. One wonderful ensemble after another. Personally, my favorites were the white Givenchy Haute Couture grecian-style dress and the tux (that’s right the tux). If I ever wear a tux in my life I will have to wear the Alber Elbaz for Lanvin tuxedo that Hathaway wore along with those metallic Brian Atwood pumps. STUNNING! As the Oscars went on we had less and less time to see Hathaway’s wonderful runway of clothes and at times she only had 20 seconds to come out and show what the Rachel Zoe team had done backstage. Not only did her outfit change with every appearance but her hairstyle,makeup, and jewelry as well. My hats go off to everyone who helped in that endeavor. Hathaway changed a total of eight times during the entire broadcast. She wore (in one night) Valentino, Vivienne Westwood, Versace, Tom Ford, Armani, Oscar de la Renta, Givenchy, and Lanvin. Good. Lord.

3. Jennifer Hudson
I wish they had awards for the Oscars red carpet. If so Hudson would’ve walked away with most improved. Not only was this red-orange satin Versace number two grades up from the brown dress she wore when she accepted her Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in Dreamgirls, but I don’t think Weight Watcher’s could’ve paid for a better endorsement than the one they got from Hudson just stepping out of the car. O wait…they did pay for that. Hudson looked amazing! I’m so glad she’s getting healthy and I’m so glad she’s doing it the old fashion way; eating healthy and getting plenty of exercise. Liposuction is not a necessity because her body is banging! My only hang-up is the purple shoe choice. Personally I wouldn’t have gone for it, but it’s an extension of her personality so I can roll with it. I really don’t think anyone was paying attention to anything lower that Hudson’s bust line anyway….I’m just saying. Mama got milk.

4. Mila Kunis
Some people look like someone else just put them together. You know what I’m talking about; when they walk on the red carpet they look three shades different from the way God made them and they always hesitate when people ask, ” So who are you wearing?” Because they have no clue. I mean really; they’re super stars and too famous walking down Rodeo Drive, we can’t imagine them to actually dress themselves too, right? Kunis can. I knew Kunis dressed herself for the Oscars. Kunis decided to work it in a lavender lace and silk organza gown by Elie Saab Haute Couture. She always goes with something that’ll be comfortable all night and is just a little bit risky on the sexy side. I thought she looked really good; just enough boob-age to say I’m young and sexy as hell (na-na-na-na-naaa). Just enough of a lady but at the same time still a sex kitten. One note; when I first saw her walk the red carpet I thought she had a boob tattoo. I thought, “O how clever, she got a dress that matched her boob tattoo in color.” Turns out what we all thought was a tattoo was lace from her dress. I would’ve cut the lace off around the cleavage. I know the lace was there to bring attention to her cleavage, but come on. With a dress cut that low, we all know your boobs are there.

5. Sandra Bullock
I love Bullock. I love her personality. I love her generous spirit. I love the fact that she has a cute, chubby black baby. I think we would be great friends if we ever met. I know that sounds a bit stalker-ish and crazy-esque but hopefully I’ll be able to cover myself by saying I loved this red dress on her. This strapless Vera Wang dress was just made for her. The thing I loved the most; she was herself! Bullock didnt’ doll up this ensemble with too much jewelry or high heels; she just clipped on some diamond studs, tied her hair in a bun and walked on the red carpet as herself. Great! She’s at the age and grace period in her life when such a bold color doesn’t look as if she’s trying too hard. Bullock was there to present the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role, which everyone from Tokyo to Nashville knew would end up in Colin Firth’s arms.

Honorable Mentions
* Helena Bonham Carter (I finally understand your quirkiness and love you for it. I thought you looked wonderful and pretty)
* Gwyneth Paltrow
* Natalie Portman’s earrings ( I loved the purple tassel earrings from Tiffany & Co.)

Best of the Worst

1. Cate Blanchett
Guiliana Rancic’s husband Bill even commented to his wife that the dress looked like a cake sideways. Cate Blanchett wore a structured lavender gown with cut-out detailing by Givenchy Couture. I think Blanchett wore this dress for the wrong audience. Yes, this is the Oscars, billions of people are watching and you need to look picture perfect. But not picture artistic. The look that most women go for at the Oscars is classic and sexy. If you look at the gown styles of this year and years past you will notice that the women keep it pretty simple with the dress styles. I know Blanchett isn’t a Halle Berry; she’s not going to walk out in a dress with her boobs propped up and her legs out for the Jergens world to see. I think a dress like the one Amy Adams wore would’ve done her justice. A dress as artistic as this one should-be been worn to the Met Ball.

2. Florence Welch from Florence and The Machine
“Oh, Flow-y is me. Oh, I’m just a musician and artistic and free.” Bullshit. I’m sorry Florence that look just isn’t working for you. And don’t give me that, “I’m artistic” crap. I’m artistic and I still manage to find clothing that no one else is wearing, that looks artistic, and still works for me. This Valentino dress consumes her frame and the red lipstick and red hair don’t go with the dress color. Plus her hair looked uncombed and her bangs were uneven. Don’t give me that, “I can’t afford a hair stylist” excuse. I’ve gone places that have given me a wash, press, and cut for $35. Somehow though, hours later as Welch stepped on the Oscar stage covering for Dido who couldn’t sing with A.R. Rahman to perform the best song nominated song “If I Rise” from the movie 127 Hours she got the fashion fairies to bless her. The burnt orange Roksanda Ilicic F/W’ 2011 dress she wore on stage was still artistic, still her, and it made her look good. I would’ve just worn that dress all night

3. Michelle Williams
Michelle Williams wore a skin-tight nude-color cap-sleeve gown by Chanel. Williams is not on the Best of the Worst dressed list because she chose a dress that was wrong for her shape. She’s not on the list because of her hair or makeup either. She’s on this list because she chose a see-through dress to wear to the Oscars. This is the Oscars people; we have to keep it classy. Those commentators that were on the red carpet kept saying to the camera that the dress looked way better in person; that the jeweled frock made her glow. I have no doubt of that. But when you’re at an event with about 5,000 people who will be broadcast to 500,000,000 people who is more important? I have to go with the latter. You have to pick a dress that will photograph well over a dress that looks good in person.

4. Nicole Kidman
I thought the dress was amazing, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned this award season is, “Not a pretty dress does a perfect ensemble make” In other words you can have a dress with silk that was found by the mother of Jesus and have it woven by the angels in heaven and have it look like shit on you. You can not just throw a dress on and have it work. This white Dior dress was a masterpiece by itself and I think Kidman made the same mistake that Blanchett did. A dress like this with a little more starch and a lot more ironing (I’m just saying) would’ve been perfect at an event like the Met Ball. People would’ve been in awe of her. At the Oscars, I hate to say it, but people tend to go with the expected. It’s just better that way. But two thumbs up for trying, I saw the effort and I loved the ponytail!

Dis-Honorable Mention
* Jacki Weaver
* Virginia Madsen

Tags: Anne Hathaway, dior, elie saab, james franco, marchesa, michelle williams, Natalie Portman, Nicole Kidman, Oscars, sandra bullock, valentino, Vera Wang